the sky outside is dark and looming. The wind is blowing through the screen door creating goose bumps on my arms, making the hairs stand on end. but tonight is perfect.
Its one of those nights when you could stay up to watch the light show in the sky. you could dance in the rain, or you could sit and simply watch. its one of those days that you are so content, but if you had a hand to hold, that would be ok too. a cup of tea would be alright too, if you were sitting outside in a blanket, sheltered from the rain.
tonight is good. emotions are real, but not overwhelming. tommorow will be ok. and if thats all I know, that will be alright.
maybe we should pitch a tent and sleep under the dark sky with the rain pouring down, falling asleep with the deepining fear of a leak. waking up damp would be ok if I was with you. maybe we'd snuggle close, the lightning can be a bit scary.
sometimes I don't need to see the stars to know that I am so much smaller than the world. all I need is the rain falling from the sky and electricity lighting up the night.
tonight it would be ok to forget everything and just sit and watch the show.
xox,
Laurel

Whats for Supper?

Last night I found myself Hungry. Starving even. but not for food. Hungry to know about God, to learn. To know how to know how to get from where I am to where God wants me to be. I have soaked up everything that has been thrown at me in the last two weeks like a dry sponge.
Dan King was telling me about this... thing called the Dark Night of the Soul, which happens to be a poem by a man they call St. John of the Cross. actually, I have no idea what I'm talking about. All I know from what I've read online (mostly christian, but also some 'pagan' ideas on this season) is that this season is when it feels like God has forsaken you, left you alone, and it is the point of a walk where you make a deffinate desicion, to either stay in that place or move to a season of joy. The pagan idea of this season is quite similar, but they see it as a season that ends in a state of higher enlightenment.
Anyways, enough of the boring. the point is that I think that this theory is quite accurate as I can relate to it quite effectively. Except I think I'm comming out of this season, and into a new one, into a season of Joy. Which I am learning about also. honestly, I'm just soaking everything up. everything that I can read, everything I can experience.
Well, I just lost my train of thought, but need to go and do a world religions assignment, about five christian denomonations, which I don't think I'm gonna do, I think I'm going to do a report on some of the more interesting things in christianity, like what? I don't know. we'll see!
have a good night!
xox,
Laurel

The polka Dot Dress

Story of the day... ready? ok, GO!

I have this dress, pictured to the right. Its PERFECT. black with white polka dots, and well, the pink ribbon can be ditched. but it even has some tool underneath to give it some extra umph, and well... its just... perfect.
so, I wore it to the christmas formal, and my plan, ever since I got it was to wear it to Ashley's grad. yeah... welll.... apperently one of the Grads is actually wearing the exact dress as her Grad dress. YEAH RIGHT!!! not even! this is like my favorite dress (ok.. I only have like two dresses, but its a good dress, ok?) so now, I have 10 days to find a new dress. ugh. I was so stoked to wear the dress. oh well.. at least I get a new dress out of the ordeal. I think I could be a dress person. I'm not sure tho. anyways. I am kinda dissapointed, kinda excited, and kinda confuesd as to why she would wear this dress as her Grad dress. but whatever, thats her perogative.
And that is todays story.
Sweet dreams and goodnight,
xox
Laurel

Techno Geek

Today I started seriously talking with my parents, and looking online, at the technology that I will be looking into buying for england. we have decided that without a doubt, that I will want/need a digital camera. I'm also looking at getting an iPod, but just recently, I have decided that perhaps I will want to purchase a laptop instead, because I believe it could serve me more efficiantly than an ipod. Not only could it store my music the same as an ipod (although less trendy and much larger), it would store my pictures, and allow me to type up my assignments where ever I wish. however, I would not be able to hook up to the wireless internet, because of security issues at the school. I may however be able to find a small coffee shop, or more likely, a Pub, that has wireless internet that I could hook up to.
I dunno, I think spendng the extra money on a laptop instead of an iPod is sounding really profitable. I guess then I'd look like a spoiled rich kid at school, but hey, I would have bought it with my own money, and this would be MY laptop. and then I'd get one of those cheep $50 mp3 players to just have music for whenever, holds like 20 songs or whatever. I guess the only downfall to that is that I won't have music over my 3 week christmas break, but whatever, I'm over it.

And, if you havent' found it yet, I have started a new blog, all about my trip over to England, the url is www.fromheretotherewithlaurel.blogspot.com check it out if you wanna.

anyways, have a good afternoon.
xox,
Laurel

To the limit

This last week, God really stretched me. He pushed me almost to my limits. I even doubted for quite some time. But it was today, back in my comfortable church, where I was in my exact comfort zone that I realized (or perhaps its just my stubbornness getting the best of me) that I need to do these things, experience these parts of life to become something better than I am. to delve deeper into the character of God.
Sometimes its just hard to have those one way convorsations with god. ya know?

This was alot shorter than I thought it would be. no matter, its bedtime anyways.
sweet dreams,
Laurel

friends?

I'm not an outwardly sentimental person, if you know what I mean. I won't greet you with a hug, inless you are someone I'm REALLY close to, I won't tell you alot of my feelings. But right now, I really miss one of my friends. and its not like they have moved away or anything, its just they seemed to have removed me from their life. Its not like the two of us were like peas in a pod or anything, its just we used to hang out alot more than we used to. hm. Like going for Chineese after church and stuff. we dont' do that anymore. In fact, I've stopped expecting to see this person at church every sunday. and honestly it makes me really sad.
My mom says that I am a really loyal friend. I guess that when I say I'm gonna do something, I actually stick to it, no matter what in my life I have to sacrifice. and If I see that there is something I need to do to make someone else's life even a little bit better, I'll go that extra mile to make someone smile in a day. I also believe that relationships are what really matter in this life. more than anything else.
I guess what I'm getting at here, is that not only with this one person, but alot of my friends, I have noticed that I put in alot more than I get. not like I'm selfish or anything, because thats not what I want, I don't want to take and take and take. all I want is someone to return my emails, or be the one to phone me and ask me if I want to go out.

Idunno. this week I've seemed to completely loose all direction I had in my life. I don't know anything for sure anymore. and the worst part of it is I have no idea who I should or can turn to to talk about this with.

Laurel

Boldness

So tonight at this... thing, I don't even know exactly what it was, and quite honestly I don't feel like explaining it, so I won't.
so, I got prayed over by two women. one had my left arm in both of her hands, stretched upwards, the other had her hand on my stomach, and the other holding my right hand. and htey prayed over me in tounges. not very long. but at the end one lady said to me, 'you will declair the words of the lord with great boldness'
and THAT is my story.
Laurel

May 24/06

ok team, so today's story goes like this....
I have no story.

I woke up this morning, as if in a hungover state, but realized only then, that I had stayed up unreasonably late chatting on msn. it was at this moment that I also realized that my hair had been left in an unruly state of un-curly-ness and knots. Not only was I running short on time, but I had no clue of what to wear today. so I threw on the first sweater I saw over top of what I wore to bed, and put on the first pair of pants I saw in my laundry basket. I calmed down for 10 minutes to right my hair from its unpresentable state, drank a glass of juice, and headed to school.

Just now, I was so brave as to email a total stranger, who is also attending Capernwray Hall next year. Big Creep? yes, yes I am. do I care? no. because I think its a guy, and maybe we can travel together and he can carry my bags! ha! But yeah, I emailed this person, and added them on msn. hopefully it turns out ok, I'll let you know how it goes.

in other news....
there is no other news.
Today it is raining, and nothing is happening. I want chicken noodle soup for lunch. that would be fun. I think I'd like that.

do you know something? I will never be anorexic, because I love to eat too much. Nor will I be bullemic, because one of my biggest fears is puking. So don't worry, I won't get too skinny on you, I promise.

I think I'm going to have a cup of tea, and make sure I am presentable for school this afternoon!
ciao!
Laurel

The adventure of Turkin....

If it wasn't so stinking hot outside (even though its cloudy) I would bake biscuits, but instead, I am aimlessly cooking baccon. Well, to get technical, I am cooking Turkin- the accululation of turkey in a bacon like form. what will we eat with this? who knows. beans? maybe. KD? perhaps. but no biscuits. thats the thing when mom goes away for a weekend, we are stuck eating the crappy food that my dad makes (aka hot dogs) or come up with something ourselves. and today for lunch, I will find something myself. I am quite enjoying this adventure into the depths of my fridge and cuboards!
And all the time, I will be listening to sherwood. if you haven't listened to their summer ep, take the time to download it, it is well worth your time, and your days will never be sad agian. I promise.
my turkin awaits.
ciao,
Laurel

Another lame story

here's to lame stories.....

So, all I want is ice cream on a stick, right? I go into the freezer in the bassment, and I reach into the freezer, and grab my icecream, and step back, as I close the lid, and I feel this pain in my foot like never before, its not a tack, its not a nail, its more like wire shooting into my foot in about 7-9 places, so I yelp. jump back, and look at what this THING was. To my surprise, I seemed to attack a bee with my foot, and he was mad. I thew down my icecream, and grabbed the nearest thing to me... a pail of who knows what, and put it on the bee in hopes of squishing him, but I guess Ididn't, cuz he buzzed around undernath the pail. it was then that I realized that there was pain in my foot, and that perhaps I had gotten the stinger in my foot, so I hopped/limped upstairs to have my dad/ brother help examine the underneath of my foot. clearly there was no stinger, or the bee would be dead, so dad went down to kill the bee, and I got a snoopy bandaid.
And THAT is the story of how I stepped on a bee today.
Laurel

RIP Vladimir...

today, is a sad sad day, today I moun the death of my beloved pet fish, Vladimir.
dude, I even took the time to name that sucker! I guess he went bazerk and commited suicide. I noteced that he was pretty beat up today, but I just thought that marvin was beating him up again... but I guess he was like having a siezure or something. oh well.
he's not even getting a proper fish funeral- he's too big to flush down the toilet. too bad.
anyways.. just thought I'd let you know that my pet fish died.
Laurel

AH!

Oh man, I dont' know whether to freak out or be stoked out of my mind. I don't even know what to think.
I figured out the forum stuff for capernwray next year.... and some girls were posting back in like .... march, and they had already had a flight plan and everything. oh man. I'm only just starting to figure things out.... and they all have plans already. what if I have to travel by myself? man o man. I am so suddenly paniced about this. (yes... dan, I will calm down... don't worry).
I suddenly realize how big the world is and how small I am. and how lost and out of place I feel in all of this. life is so much bigger than me, so much beyond me.
oh. ok. just breathe. I just gotta give this over to god. pray for my sanity?
Laurel

Who I am Hates Who I've Been

well.. as you can imagine, I AM alive, and triving, and got over it all with a good sleep last night.

I've been looking at my life alot lately, and alot of the people that are in my life, and so many of them are hurting, and so many of them just need a friend. And what confuses me the most is why I have no way of knowing how to help them. when to help them. more than anything I just want to be there for people, but as I realize this, my time grows shorter, and perhaps that has become the reason that I cannot help my friends the way I used to. I really hope that that is the reason.
but as I think about this more and more, I have realized that my confidence has become cockyness, and that I often come off as quite the... female dog, if you catch my drift. and I have found myself relating quite well to the song 'who I am hates who I've been' by reliant k. and that saddens me so so much.

I think that the process that we call maturing, is really growing more aware of your surroundings and the situations that surround you in your everyday life, and taking the time and effort to do something about them. as every day passes I see things differently than I did the day before, and try to attack the same situation differently, in order to do things better. and one of those things that I have newly found that needs to be attacked from a different angle, is the person I call myself.
and so, with that in my mind, I will continue on with my day, with a new attitude, and a new disposition, in the hope that perhaps today will turn out better than yesterday, and that by the end of the day, I will have accomplished something that is better for more than just myself.
Laurel

Today I shall Die

I am pretty sure that today is the day I am going to die. Now, I don't mean to me melodramatic, but the phlem that has built up in my chest, and the intense pain in my lower back and base of my neck, give me reason to believe that perhaps today I will die.
If perhaps you have magic hands that could make the aching on my back go away, PLEASE tell me, and I will love you forever, and..... I don't know.... buy you ice cream.
As for the phlem... if you know of anything that could shift it, either way, TELL ME!
before I die! please!

In other news... Anberlin is comming to saskatoon... pretty much the best thing to ever happen to me.
but right now I'm going to lay down, before I have to go to work. but if you have ANY remidies, I beg you, tell me!
Laurel

Don't

Please don't tell me that you love me,
and stay outside my personal bubble
I don't have much to give,
but you have far too much to take.
I'm not looking to have you touch me
but I may have felt the butterflies.
You are the last thing I need right now,
and thats what scares me the most.
My heart has yet to be broken
and I want to keep it that way.
I don't want to give you the wrong impression,
so please don't hurt yourself.
I would be best for you to leave now,
but I won't ask you to go.
Please don't take my hand,
it is not yours to take, it is mine to give,
it is the same with my heart.
It would be best
if you just let things be.

and don't ever touch my bum again.

Under the Oak

so, I am doing an english project right now, and as much as I hate this project, I am absolutely in love with this poem. written by the late DH Lawrence, this is called 'Under the Oak'

You, if you were sensible,
When I tell you th e stars flash signals, each one
dreadful,
You would not turn and answer me
"The night is wonderful."

Even you, if you knew
How this darkness soaks me through and through,
and infuses
Unholy fear in my essence, you would pause to
distinguish
What hurts from what amuses.

For I tell you
Beneath this powerful tree, my whole soul's fluid
Oozes away from me as a sacrifice steam
At the knife of a Druid.

Again I tell you, I bleed, I am bound with withies,
My life runs out.
I tell you my blood runs out on the floor of this oak.
Gout upon gout.

Above me springs the blood-born mistletoe
In the shady smoke.
But who are you, twittering to and fro
Beneath the oak?

What thing better are you, what worse ?
What have you to do with the mysteries
Of this ancient place, of my ancient curse ?
What place have you in my histories?

so, I hope you enjoyed that as much as I do. perhaps read it again, if you so desire, and enjoy the sun today, because today, is a good day.
Laurel

Boys.

I woke up from this dream this morning, that last night there was a boy that hugged me, touched my bum, put his hand over my eyes, and all around flirted with me all night. First I realized that Ashley was gonna be late for staff training, then I realized that wait, that wasn't a dream.
Now please, do not get me wrong here, This is a super sweet guy I'm talking about here. Like, dating material even, but situations in my life just don't work in his favor right now. and as sad, pathetic, and high school it is, he is only in grade 10 (making him younger than I am) so that doesnt' say alot for what I'd be looking for in a relationship compaired to what he would be. oh no. I don't want to go through this ordeal again. remember last time? yeah, not so happy of an ending.
Speaking of which, our speaker last night at the all nighter (Ididn't actually stay all night) managed to bring up Russel, and the night we parted ways, and I'm not talking he talked about something related that brought him up in my mind, oh no, he told a story specifically about russel. I kid you not. so that was a bit wierd, slightly awkward, ya know.
And, another friend of mine (who also consequentally happens to be of the male variety) left me a bit concerned last night. and by a bit, I mean alot. things just arent' going so good with him, and well... I'm scared.

but oh man, I am so tired. you have no idea. I have to work all day too (which, if you happen to be in the area, please stop by for a visit, I woud oh so much appreciate that). And I may have lost my voice from last night a little bit, so you can't loose with that.

But this thing with guy #1, I don't know what to do. Iguess I could just leave it. but I was kinda mean last night, I brushed him off so bad, and threw a couple of glares (I never mean to glare at people, I just do, I promise), and I feel really bad. but I also don't want him to spend alot of time getting his hopes up. I dont' even know if he's still dating this one girl. oh no. I way over anylize things here.
And once agian I find myself wishing I was free from the constraints of high school. ugh
anyways, I should go and do somehting else by now.
talk to you soon!
Laurel

oh boy

yes, so here I am, awake, but not in english class watching the hamlet video. good. I'm not even sick. mostly tired. see... I was up untill 1:30 last night making crafts (aka a gift) with mark for his girlfriend. oh no. I'm never doing THAT again. I don't even stay up that late doing homework for school. So, we made Steph (the gf) a story book called 'The Resque of Princess Stephanie' and yes, rescue is spelled wrong. its not my fault. but here is the story:

Once upon a time in a world of mystiqal qreatures and magiqal adventures there was a princess named Stephanie. Stephanie had hte most beautiful voice in all of hte kingdoms.
Princess Stephanie was in love iwht a young paige named Mark. The two spent much time together star gazing.
One day, during her morning walk though the village, Stephanie was kiddnapped by a mystiqal whale.
After her abduqtion word was sent out to Mark who embarked upon a journey to resque her.
A fortnight passed untill one night during his sleep, mark heard Stephanies mealodies resoudning through the forest.
Mark spent the next week fighting various qreatures untill at last Stephanie was free.
The two stood atop a hill and held hands as the sun set on the kingdom's horizon.

yes. now imagine two artistically challanged people animating htat. yes. and doing it at 1:30 in the morning. I am afraid of what it looks like. ah... but it was fun to spend time with mark. so it was good. I hope he's not too tired driving home today.
yes, so this morning I couldn't sleep because all I could think was "I'm in trouble. I'm in big big trouble" because I thought that one of the guys that was over last night didn't put away the tools he borrowd from the garage. so. I got up to tell my mom. I almost even cried. like a little kid that's done something wrong. but then I went to go and check... and yup.. there they were, right where he had found them. pretty much I need to go back to bed by now.
and THAT is my story.
have a great day!
Laurel

May 9/06

ok, so here's the deal. the last two days= perfect. well... minus school, but who counts that anyways? BUT (there is ALWAYS a but) I'm kinda mad at a couple of guys. haha, yeah? kinda like usual hey?
boys are wierd, cuz I'm sitting here fuming at two of them... and then beside myself happy that Mark (who happens to be a boy) surprise showed up at my house yesterday, PLUS I get to talk to jer in like... two seconds, so yeah... boys are wierd. this is what I know.
I also know that I really need to go to bed, cuz I am exhausted... going out to play on school nights isn't so fun the next morning. oh well... not like its gonna stop me this week... MARK IS HERE! its like only half of a step below having jer here... maybe even less.
yeah.... I'm not really accomplishing much here by blogging... not that I ever do. really I was comming here to fume about a certian two boys... but instead I have found myself quite extatic about another two. its probably better that way anyways.
oh. and I just went to see she's the man. I was slightly skeptical, I have to admit, but honestly, it was perfect for what I've been wanting to watch. I dunno. I guess I'm kinda a sucker for pre-teen chick flicks. they are clean AND they are cute. you just can't loose. and yes chesse is 'my second favorite animal by-product' hah. so good. one day you can come over and we'll watch it together, ok? deal. good plan.
oh... just like spice world night. yep, to all of you out there that I have promised a spice world night too... it WILL happen, I promise, just let me get my life a bit more together first, k? but it'll happen before I leave.
anyways.... I think I'm done for now. have a good night.
sweet dreams
Laurel

May 7/06

I've become one of those loosers that only talkes about work. pathetic.
honestly, I have nothing to say that hasn't been said.
I hate school. thats that.I am SO ready to be done. to be out. to be onto something new. to have an adventure. ok. I'll stop that now.
we canditated a pastor this weekend. yup. I don't think I like him. and thats that.
pretty much I have nothing to say, but at the same time want to talk to someone. I haven't had a good, hearty talk with anyone in ages. I miss that. a bunch. I can see that, slowly, as people realize that I wont be here next year, I see them pulling away from me. and honestly, it hurts. and its starting to feel a bit lonely.
It is so wierd to look at the people that are my friends, and then look at my parents who do not have much contact with their high school friends... and that scares and saddens me, because these are the people that have supported me so so much through the last few years, and to think that I may not call them friends 5 years down the road.... terrifies me. Honestly, the worst thing for me about leaving saskatoon next year is the people. I don't really care about my bed, and the things I'll have to leave at home, but I am so scared of losing touch with the people that I really care about. And I will miss them even if we do keep in touch. and then I think about the things I will miss, and not being at home to support them when things suck.
I dunno... I think I've been thinking too much. and not sleeping enough.
ok, I'm supposed to be at a youth all nighter on friday, and then work all day on saturday. I honestly don't know how its gonna work. I'm tired enough as it is. yeah. I'm gonna end this now. except now I have to think of a title. I hate doing that. I really do. its the worst part of this. maybe I'll just start dating it. hm.
sweet dreams
Laurel

bedtime thoughts

so I didn't do my WR project. but I think mom's onto me. honestly... I don't care anymore. everytime I think about that class I get mad. maybe its cuz I am so tired.

on another note, I really like Angels and Airwaves. Honestly I totally thought I would hate it. and I am surprised that I like it so much. Add in the overplayed factor on much, and its like... very unexpected that I like it. I have alot of unrecognised respect for Tom Delonge. his passion for music is undeniable.
that was a tangent if I ever saw one. but seriously, if you haven't, lend your ear to a few seconds of Angels and Airwaves. its worth your time!

in other news.... I am working ALL weekend. if you have a spare moment to head over to Schnitzelz (on the corner of Faithful and Circle dr. near value village and RK's fried chicken and eatery) in the afternoon, I would muchly apreciate the company. not like I'm the only one working or anything, but I would LOVE the opportunity to sit and chat with you over a Schnitzel burger and fries! or a cheesecake, cuz we have that too! I work 4-7:30 tommorow, 11:30-7:30 on saturday and 11:30-4 on sunday. mid afternoon is when we are dead and I have nothing to do. honestly, your company would make my week. even if all you get is a pop. or if I have to buy you something. I'd be up for that too.

anyways, I need to go to bed, cuz I'm not feelling so good.
sweet dreams!
Laurel

the worst class EVER

So, I am seriously contemplating boycotting World Religions class tommorow. for three reasons
1) then Idon't have to do the assignment thats due tommorow
2) the people in the class (except for 3 people) are REALLY annoyiong. and I want them all to just stop talking.
3) I hate the teacher. Like really. he needs to stop talking too. he wants me to miss two days of school/work in a week. I can't do that. he's a dink. I don't like him. AND he wastes my time with assignments that a grade 3 kid could do, in fact, I did them in grade 3. so frustrating.

so... pretty much tommorow I am skipping class. almost forsurely now. yup. I'm gonna skip my first class EVER. hm. I like this plan. the big rebel R-E-B-E-L thats ME! if only I had a skateboard, then I would be able to skip class to go skating. hm.....

yeah.. but for real.... I cried in class today cuz I was so frustrated. not even kidding. only two people noticed, but yeah... pretty much I hate that class more than anything right now. even more than english, and thats a big deal. ugh. if only you could sit in on class for a day. you would realize why I hate it so much. it has the potential to be a really GOOD class, but instead its the worst class I've had my entire high shcool career.

anyways.... I'm gonna leave on that note.
Laurel

Life and love and happiness?

Its funny to think that right now, as my life seems to be getting better, and being really genuinely good, somewhere, somebody else's life sucks as of right now. this moment. I dunno. its just a thought.
more and more I realize that in my life I have nothing to complain about.
I complain about my dry hands from work, but some kids my age will never have the comfort of the job that I have. countless girls my age are prostituting themselves in order to live the next day, and my job at Schnitzelz is simply giving me a bit of extra spending money.
Life is funny when you put it into perspective. because in an instant that perspective can be lost for good.
and I am so blessed. beyond my imagination. I am starting to understand why, to everyone outside of my world, people think I live a perfect life. by no means is my life perfect.
ok, what I'm really trying to say here is... yeah, I don't even know. all I know is that I have a friend whose life is kinda a downer right now, and it just gets piled on and on and on and they have this load that gets bigger and bigger and bigger. and I don't know how to help them. and I don't know if I can even relate to them at all right now. I just really wish that they would let me walk beside them in this and take some of the load.
I dunno. life. it'll get ya.
sweet dreams
Laurel

Math Test

ok, so here is todays story.
Its 12:45, and I am at work, right? and pam's like 'so, Laurel, what time do you get off today?' I look at my watch, and realize that I'm supposed to be gone already. I go to clock out, but Maegen and Dean are trying to figure out something on the computer, but its not working, so untill they figure that out, I can't clock out. blah blah blah, ten minutes later I clock out. so.. mom drives me to school while I eat lunch, as is usual, and as I walk up to the school, first bell rings, and whatever, I can be two minutes late, its not a big deal. so I go to the bathroom to change, I don't dawdle or anything, but I don't rush either. go to my locker, drop off my uniform, and start up the stairs, as I get to the top, which is also the math hallway, where my class is, second bell rings. whatever. I'll just be like 10 seconds late, right? no biggie. yeah. so I'm rushing to get to class to not inturrupt Milner's opening sentance... barge through the door, close the door quickly, turn around, and realize, that YES today is Unit test day. great. not prepaired AT ALL. nothing. I don't even have the right calculator or anything. pretty much doomed. so, I had to absolutely promise Mr. Milner that I WOULD NOT do ANY graphing on my calculator, and he could even go into my memory after I wrote the test to see what I had done, in order to have a calculator at all during the test. sit down... and realize I have absolutely NO IDEA what the heck is going on in this test. not a clue. it all looks like jumble to me. were you to ask me what a #7 at work was, I could tell you in a split second, but the answer to question #5, whoa, I wouldn't even know where to start. I flipped through the whole test, till I recognised something that I maybe knew how to do, and started there. lucky for me, I actually did the assignements for this section, so before I knew it only a half hour had passed and I was done my test. pretty much I'm pretty sure I aced that test. which will be good, cuz I only have a 66% in that class. need to boost that ALOT.
anyways. thats my story for today. the drama, if you will. now, I am procrastonating a presentation I have to do on wednesday... and with my luck, I'll be making it up as I go on wednesday. its a good thing that I am good at presentations, and like to do them. otherwise I'd be DEAD. DEAD let me tell you. Dead as DEATH.
ok. I'm going to leave now before this turns goofy, and its headed that way, way way too fast.
sweet dreams,
may math tests be easier than you expect!
Laurel

today's news

Good morning!
I am WAY tired. but whatever.. i'm over it.

I have to tell you.. I am really frustrated with school right now. honestly, more than anything I would like to quit school and just work. I love my job. I never thought I'd say that working at a food place, but honestly, everyone there is awesome, and its just good. better than school. plus I get paid to be there. School... I have like 3 projects due in the next two weeks, and I'm just not interested. quite frustrating. plus, math class has gotten SO boring. I just want to wuit that class. deffenetly frustrating. and tommorow is report cards. I am scared to find out how bad my marks are, because I KNOW that they are all bad. I'm not looking forward to the speech I'll get from those marks 'at least just make sure you graduate' yes.. of course I'll graduate.

This weekend has been a bit of a reality check for my relationship with god right now. it sucks. its hardly in existance, yet I continue to preach it up... I'm talking the talk and not walking the walk. and I have a huge problem with that. I need to get things back in gear. I need to start taking this seriously. I'm past my doubting, I just gotta get back into my routine. because that is what I've lost. I remember a time when I was honestly always talking to god. through everything... through math class, walking to school, sitting on the computer, falling asleep... everything... I was talking to God, and now... now I just don't. and I miss that a ton. I'm tired of saying to myself 'next year I will be at bible school, so I'll make up for it then' I gotta just do it now. no excuses. nothing. I gotta get back into it. I gotta start working at it. too much is suffering because I have forgotten about god.


but for now, I gotta get in a half hour of homework before I go to work. have a good day.
Laurel