Feeling This

Fate fell short this time
your smile fades in the summer
place your hand in mine
I'll leave when I wanna
- Blink-182 Feeling This

I don't really know what to say. today was boring. I watched this show tonight, called One Ocean View. Its this reality show where they stick these people in a house. I don't really get the point. some people know each other, some others don't. They go out every night, and just basically live together with a camera man. anyways, there is this one... I dunno, this guy and this girl, and they call themselves ex-boy/girlfriends. I dunno. she is still in love with him, but she is the one that dates other people, I dunno, its confusing. so, I really don't know what the point of that was.
I watched the movie Hook the other night, and cried like 3 times. its not like I have never watched it, in fact I grew up watching it, but I dunno.

I feel so pathetic, when we talk abotu what we did on the weekend, or the previous night at work, I'm the one that has the least amount of a life, and I am by far the youngest person. I'm starting to feel a bit lonely this week. It sucks to be the only one not at camp, or camping, or on holiday, or anything. it sucks to be the only one that has to work for the summer. everyone else is either at camp, or what summer jobs they have, they don't need for the money, they just like to have the money. I dunno. summer is starting to be a bummer. I dont' even go outside. I am a pasty shade of Office white. its brutal beyond belief.

The worst thing righ now, is that I don't know the next time I'll see Jeremy, I don't think I'll see him till march when we go to africa. thats a long time. and I talked to him like almost two weeks ago for the first time since grad.
Boy, can you tell I am lonely? I'm listening to the same Blink-182 song on repeat,eating popcorn, and whining about my sad sorry life.
just one more thing... do you have any idea how pathetic it is to tell everyone at work that the highlight of your weekend was reading the original version of the PLAY Peter Pan? hah. I do. but don't get me wrong I LOVE that play, more than anyone could know, inless you read it yourself. its just a little bit embarassing.

anyways, sweet dreams!
Laurel

Funny Weekend

This weekend has been... funny. like not haha funny, but wierd funny. as in emotional funny. its been good, don't get me wrong, its just that I had far too much time to think. which is alright, I'm not complaining.
I was thinking about relaitonships that I used to have. friendships that have fallen... away. and trying to figure out what went wrong, because it is usually traced back to one moment. like this one, I can see it fall apart at the moment I told them that I was going to England, they just slowly drifted farther and farther. or another, from the moment I told them 'I promise I'll try to keep in contact when I'm in ODS'. I dunno. I never just quit a friendship, they just drift. and I hate that. I hate the slow degression of a friendship. it sucks.
hm. but there is this one person who would say I am lying, cuz I guess I am. I guess I quit that one. thats too bad. the worst part is, I have very little desire to try and repair it. I don't desire the awkward moments or the.... anything about that friendship that was.
Its funny how I already miss people, even though I'm not gone yet.
And the whole time, I wasn't sad nessisarily, thinking about this, I was just thinking about all of these people. all of my 'what if's' when it came to certain people, and all of my 'could have beens'.

Totally unrelated, THE day is comming up. the one year day. August 16. the same day as Dan and Andria's now 3rd wedding aniversary, and 2 years since we did 'Live out loud' in the park. now, that day will be one year since Dwayne died. and honestly, I don't know what to do with myself. I feel the deepest need to go back to camp that day. but I don't know how I will get there, because I don't want my mom to come with me. I just need to walk down to to beach the same way I did a year a go. and I need to cry the way I should have a year ago. hm, its funny, I only REALLY cried once that day, the rest was sort of a half-cry. I remember reminding myself all day 'you have to be strong, you are all Ashlynn's got this week'

I'm telling you, this weekend was a funny weekend, because I wasn't depressed, by any means. and I dont' know what that means, maybe I am becomming more detached. but I know I'm not because I am oh so dreading tommorow morning. my first day without chelsea (the girl I'm taking over for) and the first day that Carolyn is back. tommorow will be like death.

anywyas, this is getting to be more and more pointless as I go, so I'm gonna go to bed, sweet dreams!
Laurel

Just GREAT!

I am stoked out of my mind. let me tell you. stoked. out of my mind. me. oh boy.
ok, so tonight I am going to visit ashley at camp. the thing is, she has NO CLUE that I am comming, or was even thinking of it. WOW. and THEN to make things even BETTER, I made THE BEST care package EVER. Let me tell you what is in it. My game of Teen Choices, which she requested, Some blue flip flops, a Pink Jump rope. a Thing of blowing bubbles, a cup of kleenex (I kid you not, a CUP), Mousetraps, a box of earl grey tea (her favorite), chocolate hugs and kisses, worthers toffie (an inside joke), bubble gum, Apples, Nectarines, apricots, and one single banana. WOW. is that good or WHAT?! I'm so excited.
MAN O MAN! I forgot to even tell you, I have like a new best friend. YEAH! ok, she emailed me a week ago or so, and she is from the states, and she's going to England too, and well... we are like the EXACT same person. UNREAL. I love it.
Dude, life is so good to me right now. SO GOOD. I dont' even know how to tell you. I'm just stoked about life. ok, so the only thing that could be better, is if I did more than just read after work every night, but honestly, I am enjoying sitting outside on a couch in my garage reading every night. life is just good.
And it is SO nice out side. I love it.
and now... I have run out of things to say. except, that if you EVER want to go for lunch with me, I have an hour lunch break, and would ABSOLUTELY love it if you would pick me up at work and go for a picnic or something, I can even make the picnic. no biggie. hah. we could even go to schnitzelz, now that I don't work there anymore!
anyways, have a blissful evening, and I'll talk to you soon!
Laurel

My Nougat is Melting

Man o man, I just realized how long its been since I have posted... sorry about that! I've been super buisy with my new job, which has made me REALLY tired. Its really good tho. But as usual, I hated it for the first couple of days, but now its starting to get better as I get to know everyone and know what I'm doing. I do ALOT. like, I answer the phones, phone other people, file, photocopy, fax, do revenue reports, and a whole lot of other SUPER exciting stuff... and by exciting I really mean boring beyond belief.
what else can I tell you? honestly, my life is so boring. I work, come home and read, and go to bed. I'm not even kidding you. well.. last night I went for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles night with Ben and Graham. funnest EVER!
And Sunday after church me and Ashley went out for supper which was SUPER good to talk to her, cuz we only get to talk like once a week now, which is so wierd, especially when I REALLY want to talk to her and she's not there to phone. its funny how you take simple things like that for granted.
I just remembered that we are going to grandma's tommorow after work, and that I'm not even close to being packed yet, in fact, I haven't even started. Practically doomed by now, cuzI don't think I'll start for a while now. too bad. means another late night. oh well. tommrow is friday. and it will be a slow day at work because there are so many people gone.
hm... what else can I tell you about? I decided that I really like wearing skirts. I never thought I would like it, but I do. I've been wearing skirts to work all week, and I really like it. they make me feel pretty. except I dunno what I'm wearing to work tommorow.
anyways, I have nothing else to say and I'm getting distracted now!
have a super weekend!
Laurel

bruised rib?

so.... why am I still up!?
oh, right, to tell you about the stabbing pain in my rib. thats right, my rib. yes.... how could I let a drunk guy pick me up? yeah, I dunno, but after I handed him my empty iced tea bottle and watched him set it down, I was like... 'oh crap!' cuz I realized that Matt was going to do something stupid... and he picked me up, and spun me around, and plopped me on the ground. I won't be surprised if I wake up tommorow injured... like a bruised rib, or whiplash or SOMETHING. all I know is that it hurts. and I have a headache.
anywyas... I went to my first ever drinking party tonight. and yeah... Iam glad I dont' drink. but I finally made it out to an ODS party. they were pretty stoked about it. I dunno... it wans't that great, I want to see everyone again... when they aren't drunk, or on their way to drunk, and maybe everyone, including John and Marley, who they didn;t even invite this time... well, except for Russel... but I'm the only one that knows his phone numberm and he lives in alberta anyways.
ok, this typing is getting too hard for me, and my eyes are buring. its time for bed. plus my ribs are getting worse. I'll update tommorow
sweet dreams!
Laurel

LAPTOP!!

So, get this... guess where I'm typing this from? yeah... thats right, my new LAPTOP!!! cool hey? I thought so too! pretty much I have no idea how to use this thing, and its a big deal I even got onto the internet. the main pourpose of this blog is for me to get used to typing on a laptop keyboard... which is really hard. ok, not REALLY hard, but more difficult than usual, and this has forced me to use good posture in order to hit each key properly! haha, boy am I a geek!
NO! you want to hear about geeks!? let me tell you about the guys that sold me my laptop... well... actually there is like nothing to tell, just that they are really geeky!
Work today was like death. oh boy. like the longest day EVER! it was brutal. I can'twait till I'm done, which, if you are counting is three more days of Schnitzel! whoo hoo! wait... did I even tell you that I have a new job? working at Norplex buisnesses under D3 Hospitality, as a resceptionist! I don't think I told you! wow! yeah! I have 3 days left at schnitzlez! I am stoked out of my mind, let me telll you!
what else can I tell you? its been a few days.... um... honestly my life is uneventful. at least, I don't really feel like getting all worked up about anything right now, I'm too tired.
so, with that, I'll leave to put more music on my computer, and perhaps some more software! whoo hoo!
sweet dreams!
Laurel

Hello from today

Hey, remember that band, Wave? from Canada? yeah, me neither, but I'm listening to their song 'california', yeah, now you remember, don't you!? haha!
I got up at 7 am this morning (yeah I know! but the worst thing is thats going to be my alarm time for the rest of the summer, due to my new job), and mom and I went berry picking. And unlike many of the people my age, I absolutely LOVE berry picking. why? I don't even know. but we picked a total of 5 pails of saskatoons, and 7 pails of strawberries 7+5= 12 pails of berries. pretty impressive, hey? PLUS, I started some work on a summer tan! extra bonus!
then I came home and had an hour and a half nap. boy do I love naps!
Yesterday I got three shots, Polio, Typhoid and Yellow fever. so I won't feel the effects of the yellowfever for like 5-10 days, and polio just has stiffness of hte fat that its put into, but Typhoid! just let me say that I am among the 3% of the people that get that shot that react badly to it. and I'm talking more than just stiffness, redness, and hardening of the muscle. oh boy.
And today, in like 10 minutes I am going laptop shopping with my cousin, cuz he's practically a genious, and I would like to have a laptop when I go to england.
and that is my day today. I am now listening to SOS by rhianna. stop laughing please. thanks.
Laurel

oh, just random again

Guess what!? yep. thats right. I got a new job!
I now work, in an office, at a desk, being a receptionist for Norplex Buisnesses. Now, I know, you are thinking to yourself, that you can't picture me at a desk for the summer, or imagine HOW I could have left Schnitzelz, but a guaranteed 40 hours a week, and $10 an hour, is ALOT better t han I had at The store. I either start on monday or the week after. not real sure yet.

So, today, I have been graduated for a week. let me tell you. I am alot more mature. and sophisticated. and responsible. HA! no, honestly, I have been looking at the time I've spent in the last four years, and boy did I waste alot of time. there was so much more that I could have done. so many more people I could have gotten to know. I duno. there is so much that could have been done. but wasn't.

Anyways, my mind has been completely sidetracked by the idea of having an '80's Dance party this summer. don't you think that would be great?! everyone would dress up, so then there would be a prize for the best costume, and we'd dance to '80's music, and watch a good 80's movie. and... yeah, I dunno what else, but it would be FUN!

Laurel

People

one thing that my mom has been telling me alot lately is how loyal of a friend I am. and I guess I am. I mean, when I say I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it. And, If you call me your friend, then you are mine, and I will stick beside you through everything. But what I don't get is how I can put so much into so many relationships, into so many people, and get nothing back.
I've only asked like three things of someone over the years, and they have never followed through. All I wanted was for them to come to my grad party, even for like 10 minutes, and they couldn't even do that. Even after all the nights I'd spent talking to them about the 'important' stuff.
Or then there is this guy, who picked me up and dropped me within a week. I dunno, when I like a guy, its for a good long time, at least 6 months.
I dunno. people are so confusing. and Iget so frustrated when people aren't the same as I am. When they don't see things the way I see them. Its hard to think that people don't see the world through the same eyes I do, because of the experiences they have had.
Its so wierd to think that the people you grow up with aren't the same little kids that they used to be. I mean, I expect people to understand that I myself have grown up, but expect so many others to be the same as they were when we were 10. which doesn't work. at all. I guess thats just another flaw of humanity, itsn't it? that we cannot, and will never completely understand the exact position of another, because our experiences are so different, even when they are similar.
so then what makes us like some people, and not like others? is it our opinions that have been shaped by our experiences, which we theoretically have no say in? or can we control that? I mean, you have the choice of judging someone or not, right? so then by liking/not liking someone, are you not judging them? but you can't like everyone, can you?
but the real question is, how come not everyone likes to dance? and if I asked you to dance with me, would you?

sweet dreams,
Laurel