Who I am Hates Who I've Been

well.. as you can imagine, I AM alive, and triving, and got over it all with a good sleep last night.

I've been looking at my life alot lately, and alot of the people that are in my life, and so many of them are hurting, and so many of them just need a friend. And what confuses me the most is why I have no way of knowing how to help them. when to help them. more than anything I just want to be there for people, but as I realize this, my time grows shorter, and perhaps that has become the reason that I cannot help my friends the way I used to. I really hope that that is the reason.
but as I think about this more and more, I have realized that my confidence has become cockyness, and that I often come off as quite the... female dog, if you catch my drift. and I have found myself relating quite well to the song 'who I am hates who I've been' by reliant k. and that saddens me so so much.

I think that the process that we call maturing, is really growing more aware of your surroundings and the situations that surround you in your everyday life, and taking the time and effort to do something about them. as every day passes I see things differently than I did the day before, and try to attack the same situation differently, in order to do things better. and one of those things that I have newly found that needs to be attacked from a different angle, is the person I call myself.
and so, with that in my mind, I will continue on with my day, with a new attitude, and a new disposition, in the hope that perhaps today will turn out better than yesterday, and that by the end of the day, I will have accomplished something that is better for more than just myself.
Laurel