I WISH I could tell you why I am so frustrated right now. but to tell the honest truth, I don't really understand it myself. wel... its boys.
why is it that its so hard to tell a guy that you 'like' him? frick. its really dumb, and juivinile. but still... its fricken hard. UGH! AH! I wish it wasn't so dumb. I wish I wasn't so dumb! EFF! I think this means its time for bed. but I'm still grumpy.
sweet dreams
Laurel

Rebel phase perhaps? yes?

So, its official.... I want to be a skater. I really want to be a skater girl. I know I know.. its so... 3 years ago. but I don't even care. but no, I'm not gonna be a longboarder... I'm just gonna be a skateboarder. Pretty much I'm stoked.
and THEN I can take my board to england and be REALLY cool! ...ok.. so really, I kinda want to be a rebel at bible school. as bad as it sounds... but don't you think that it'd be more fun to be like a punk rock chick at bible school, the girl who gets a tatoo during christmas break, and spends her weekends skateboarding around the little villages? yeah man, I so think that sounds better than being the sweet innocent one that follows all of the rules all of the time!
I dunno. all I know is that this summer, my hobby is gonna be skateboarding. my plan is to like... practice in the minimally visited parks around the city, and then get good at other stuff in aberdeen at night.... and then one day it'll just be like BAM! and you won't know what hit you, cuz I'll be THAT good! ...haha, only in my dreams. but it could happen.
yeah man! and you could join me if you wanted!
Laurel

If I could tell you....

how lovely your eyes are
how closely I want to hold your hand
how much your unspoken words hurt
how your smile brightens my day
how welcoming your arms are
how I miss you dearly
how supportive you are
how your stories make me laugh inside
how I love your goofyness
how your laugh makes everything ok
how the notes we pass are tucked away safely
how you have influenced me
how much I value you
how I love you
how handsome you are
If I could tell you
how much you mean to me
Everything would change.....

Last Night's Dream

I am sitting in class, and I don't know what happens, but we realise that the school is on fire. And its spreading fast. So we all run outside. But I realise that there are people INSIDE the school, refusing to believe that the school is on fire. And the ones that do, think that they have to climb out onto the roof and jump to the ground, and are afraid to make that jump. So I run back into the school, and start telling them, one by one that 'its on fire. you gotta believe me! if you dont' get out SOON you will die!' and a few believe me. but most ignore me. So I start going up to the groups, and telling them that they are going to die. that all they have to do is walk out the double doors labelled 'Exit' and walk UP a set of stairs, and they will be saved. that its that simple. but they still don't believe me. Then I notice the teacher's desk. And there is a Man sitting there, marking papers. so I go up and start to climb on his desk, and ask him for his whistle, and he's like 'sure, of course! are you gonna get these kids out of the fire? becasue they are going to die. I don't know why they don't realise that if they stay here they will die' So I climb up and stand on his desk, and whistle real loud. and most EVERYONE turns to listen, so I tell them 'you HAVE to get out. you need to. (I start to cry) because if you don't, you WILL die. and I can't stand that. you need to just get out. just go out those doors, if not for yourself, then for me. just go." and everyone exept a few kids pile out of the doors. and by now we are completely surrounded by fire. and there are soem kids that didn't make it out in time. so there is 20 of us, including the teacher man. And I don't know what to do now.Because there is nothing I can do. so I look at the man, and ask him if its ok to pray. (but the kids are all stoked to die. they all want to be burned. they don't care.) and he skeptically says yes. so I start to pray 'God! I Praise and thank you for the life you have given me to live, and serve you. I don't know what to do! Fill us up. cover us with your PEACE! fill us with your LOVE! Give us TRUST! I can't do anything now! you are in control! this fire is yours! I give it to you' and it starts to rain. pouring rain. but I continue to pray. 'YES God! send your rain! I praise you for this rain! I praise you for our lives! I thank you for the rain! pour it out! pour out your love!' and as I pray, the fire is put out. and the kids that wanted ot die, start crying. start saying that they don't want to die. that they want to live life the way they were supposed to. And This teacher guy comes and just hugs me. and says thank you. and he just wraps his arms around me, and my head rests on his chest. and he just holds me. and I start to cry. and he just keeps on afirming me. and thanking me. and telling me that I did such a good job.
But I didn't do anything. God did.

Pics from BC

So my pictures from BC didn't really work out... especially the really rad ones that I was looking forward to. but here are the ones that did! The boys playing at the Gourmet Gallery..... and failing at the lion king!
Token Vancouver pic. GREAT!
Cultis Lake... where stillwood camp is.
Poopstje Drawing on Jeremy's face while he was sleeping!!!
Me sitting on a WET tree at Stillwood Camp
Look hard. you might be able to find my drunk friend, walter!
Mark Playing at the Gourmet Gallery
The boys playing at home.

What a good day!

Yesterday was bad. Today is GOOD!! Again.. its only 11:00 am, but still, everything has been good so far. minus the nose bleed this morning. but the music (brighten) right now is so perfect.and I'm drinking tea. and its the last school day this week, and a short day at that. could it get any better than this right now? yeah! cuz I found my film this morning! so stoked, cuz I'm getting the m developed today! oh man. today is a good day!
I love how God does that.... just gives you a good day, just cuz. its like those unexpected gifts that you get for no reason. Just to make you smile. thats what today is. and I love it.
Oh. and finally, I get an english project that I'm stoked about! an actually good assignment. I hope that'll boost my mark. cuz my mark is real crappy right now. but I'm so over it.
the dumb thing about school right now is the fact that my mom keeps on second guessing my graduating. whether I will or not. OF COURSE I WILL!! I haven't failed a class yet, so why should I start now. its a bit late in the game, wouldn't ya think? so yeah. thats that.
anyways, its lunch time, so I'll talk to you soon!
Laurel

EFF THIS!

frick. today is already starting to be crappy and I've only been up for half an hour. yeah. I slept in through english class, which was super dumb, cuz this is a short week so tommorow will eb the only day that I'll have been in english all week, and I have a HARD english test on monday. great. Then.... I burnt my waffles in the toaster oven. yum! And then I got a letter. From the Proventative Program for Cervical Cancer, telling me that I need to go in for testing. YES! just what I've always wanted. GREAT. I'm stoked. NOT. AND THEN mom reminded me that my world religions class is going on a field trip to the synogog today. which is like eternal damnation into the burning pit of boredom. GREAT. I'm excited for that too. Pretty much I'm in a bad mood now. and I only have an hour and a half to get ready to go to math class. yeah! my favorite class.
I'm so so ready to be done with high school. to be onto the next thing, and be treated like I'm mature rather than like a kid. I'm so tired of being treated like a kid. so yeah. its time to be onto the next thing.
anywyas, I need to go and fix my hair cuz I slept on it while it was wet last night so its a mess.
have a GREAT day!
Laurel

oh WALTER........

ok, so I couldn't think of what to tell you for the longest time, because I just wrote an email, and I didn't feel like telling you the same thing I told her, cuz well... I just don't want to. BUT then... I figured it out, you DEFFENETLY need to know about Walter.
ok, so last night Jer and Mark played at the Gourmet Gallery (bum bum bum), and Poopsteje and I went earlier with the boys while they had to set up... so we're just walking around chatting (we stole some sample brownie from the grocery store!) and we're sitting in front of the coffee shop, and this guy comes out, pissed out of his mind, to have a smoke, and Poopsteje looses it right away and starts laughing so hard she's snorting, and I played it so cool, and had a nice little chat with him. So.... later, in the coffee shop (that sells beer?). Walter (this drunk guy..... we named him this, cuz we couldn't keep talking about the drunk guy, he needed a name, and walter sounded like a winner) gets up for #6 [beer], and we're starting to get worried. He's a happy drunk tho. swaying and singing along to songs he doesn't know. air guitar/piano -ing. just rocking out and downing beer like no ones buisness. when he gets up for #7, we kinda feel bad for him. but is such a hoot. we kinda laughed at him all night. oh boy. so that was fun. and then I found five bucks......
yeah. so its 7:00 here. and the boys are defefnetly not up. I'll prolly just read another book or something. something good anyways. maybe I'll just go back to bed. cuz I'm getting sleepy again. yeah. prolly that.
have a great day!
I know I will!
Laurel

Abby

so... its 8:23 here, and 10:23 at home. I went to bed at 12:45 here, 2:45 at home. I'm kinda tired. But the boys stayed up all night and are delivering papers right now. Looking out the window there is a mountain like right there. And EVERYTHING is green!! I love it! So far we've cleaned Jer's car, gone to the bank, and gone to schnitzel's for supper. oh... and I've met 50 bajillion people. buuuuuuuuuut, I thikn I'm doing ok with names so far. which is unusual.
uh.... yup. I don't know whats up for today... all I know is that I stink and need to have a shower before my stentch gets the better of me. THAT and I need to eat something... sometime
I'm out
Laurel

Wiener!!

yeah, ok, so I dodged out of flying last ngiht because of ice fog in calgary. so what? doesn't REALLY mean that I'm a scardy cat or a quitter.... just means I'm cautious! So, take two starts thi smorning at 10. that leaves me 49 minutes to eat, get dressed etc. so, I will be on my way. Lots of Love, and have a great time.
untill next time,
Laurel

Lucky

Ok, so I leave tommorow for BC. am I stoked? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!?! of course I am! pretty much I get to see my big brother! ...and meet his friends. and have fun. BUT I get to see him, and thats the point. hah. when I told one of my friends that I was spending my Christmas money on a plane ticket to visit Jer, he was like 'boy, he's pretty lucky, I would never do that for my sister.' hah. dang. Iguess you're right... I love my brothers and I have pretty special friendships with both of them
Lately God has been pointing out to me how lucky I really am, growing up in the family that I did. Both of my parents love me unconditionally, and almost more importantly, they are still in love with each other. There is no pressure in this house to have success as the world sees it, but rather to live a life that is filled with joy, and whatever that is, its ok. And right now, I don't know what that is going to be, and thats ok too. If I need anything, I know that when I come home, I can get that. If I need to cry, there's a shoulder, if I need to rant, there's an ear, and if I need a reality check, boy, there's sure gonna be a tounge to tell me! But at the end of the day, I have a great family that supports and loves me, and thats alot in the world today.
Well... in the hopes of being 100% tommorow, I'm going to head to bed.
sweet dreams
may you always feel loved
Laurel

Days like today, I have no choice but to turn to the only people that understand how I feel, the backstreet boys. And the song for today, is Quit playing games (with my heart), and the lyrics are:

Quit playin' games with my heart (with my heart)
Before you tear us apart (my heart)
Quit playin' games with my heartI should've known from the start
You know you've gotta stop (from my heart)
You're tearin' us apart (my heart, my heart)
Quit playin' games with my heart

Ok, so now that THAT's over, lets get onto the next pressing issue of the day. I'm still sick. not as sick as yesterday, but its a virus (my mom's friend's son went to the doctor with the same symptoms as me and found out that its a virus, and that the doctor can do nothing about it), so its gonna take time to get better. I could stay home, or go to school. clearly I want to stay home, but I have a math test tommorow, and probably should be in math class today BUT we had a sub yesterday, a bad sub at that, so he'll prolly re-teach what she taught, in which case, its useless for me to be there when I could be at home working on the essay thats due in english tommorow, and I haven't started. SO it looks like I'm gonna milk this thing a little bit more and stay home today, get better, and.... do homework.....? yeah. so the new song of the moment is provided by a girl named Skye Sweetnam, and her song is Billy S. The lyrics are:

Wake up tired, Monday mornings suck,
It's way too early to catch a bus,
Why conform without a fuss,
Daddy Daddy, no, I don't wanna go to school, woo!
I don't need to read Billy Shakespeare,
Meet Juliet or Mavolio,
Feel for once what it's like to rebel now,
I wanna break out, let's go!
Teachers treat us all like clones,
Sit up straight, take off your headphones,
I don't blame them, they get paid,
Money money, woo, lot's of money money, woo!

And with that, my morning is complete, I need to eat something and shower cuz I'm freezing to death. Ihope you all are feeling much better than I am. but don't worry, The spice girls will always be here to make my days cheerier.

Talk to ya later!
Laurel

.....blastoff.......?

Five.... Four.... Three... Two.... One.........................
Go.
Today felt like the world was racing while I was in slow motion. Like my heart was beating slower than everyone else's. I dunno, its got something to do with the fact that I feel like crap today. yeah. its not like I can even explain it, I just feel ill. not well. its not like my nose is running, I'm not coughing, I haven't puked, I don't have a fever. I'm just not well.
It started yesterday after I hate a piece of pizza, the cheese hit my stomach like a brick, and ever since I have not felt well, at all.
Mom made me go to school today, so that didn't help the feeling of being in slow motion. and right now I have to chatch up in math (I havent' done a single assignment yet this sem) and write an english essay about a book, without talking about the book. does that sound as confusing to you as it does to me?
on the bright side of things, its only three days till I go to BC! I am so excited. hah. If I'd said that audibly you wouldn't have believed me. but its true. I'm really excited.
well... I should do something productive.

Laurel

Today's Question....

I just got back from english class, where I had a convorsation with a few of the girls. The questions brought up were as follows:

-Do we (people) have a soul?
-What is a soul?
-what charactarises a soul?
-what is the purpose of a soul?
- (least importantly) what does a soul look like?


so, my question today is... If I do believe that humanity has a soul (which I do) how do I go about answering these questions in order to logically have an explanation for a soul, and things such as preminition, life after death, near death experiences, out of body experiences, etc.? And how do I do this all in a christian mannor? Or is everything that we attribute to a soul just biological, and mental occurances? how do you explain extreme Fear and Love?

Laurel

I did that experement in school

so, pretty much I have nothing to say. just killing time, BECAUSE I have to have a humidifier run in my room 2 hours before I go to bed. AND I also have to masage vasaline into my nostrils to be 'proactive' rather than 'reactive' to the nosebleeds I get. the doctor said that if everyone was proactive towards nosebleeds, no one would have nosebleeds the way I do... buuut, untill I do this for at least a month, regularly, I will continue to have nosebleeds! yay! so THATS my story of the day! majorly exciting, hey? yeah, I thought so too.
in other news, before I go to BC in 8 days, I have 2 essays due and a math unit test, for which I have AGAIN not done a single assignment (because personally I think that assignments are useless, but thats another story for another time, ask me sometime!) soooooooo, thats another dissapointed 'oh laurel' from my math teacher. oh well. what canya do?
ok, so my mom and I, every year, somehow manage to latch onto a reality tv show, this year its the amazing race, because some of hte people on it are SO funny. so tonights edition, they had to drive punch buggies around brazil, and the challange was to either rope climb a waterfall or make ethonol out of raw sugar cane. so this geeky couple chooses the sugar one and the guy is like 'yeah, cuz I totally did htat experement in school' PAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! what a geek! I love it! and these sisters are doing the same thing, and they're pushing the cane through a grinder, and the one sister says to the other sister "just pretend you're giving birth' and the other one replys 'I can't, I had a c- section' ahhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahaa! what people!! yep... so pretty much I watch these shows to laugh at them. poor people.

may you embrace every moment of your life,
and never remeber your experements from grade 9 science class,
Laurel

wierd day

So, today started with English, which is wierd enough in itself. Then came double spare, where I had a doctor's appointement, cuz I've been having really bad nose bleeds alot lately. So... after waiting in a PACKED waiting room for almost an hour, I saw her, and she recomended blood tests, so I went to go get my blood taken, and the first time, she put the needle in my arm, moved it, pushed it in deeper, moved it again, pushed it in deeper, and wiggled it around again. FINALLY she gave up. then another nurse came with this wonky contraption with a tube, a needle, a little vaccum thinger and yeah. so now I have TWO big bruises on BOTH of my arms. Then I had a nose bleed at lunch. then came math. same old same old... except I have no idea what was happening the first half of the class, cuz it was so confusing. then was World Religions, where we had a guest speaker on cults. and woah! was that ever wacked out. like... scientology... that is some far out stuff, did you know that it was created by a SCIENCE FICTION NOVELIST?! so rediculous. and satanism... I had no clue that it was so waked. like... sexually abusing young children, and drinking blood, and being baptized in blood. SO WIERD. who knew? what I don't understand, is why do people follow these things? like, WHY oh why would you become a satanist? why? its so wierd and creepy. And then, on the way home there was a fight in the walkway, and there was blood there and every thing. Why do boys fight? and why do people watch and not do anything about it? I mean the least anyone can do is go and get a teacher, or even just not watch, and walk the long way home.
I guess what my question today is, what makes people do the things they do? and why do they make the decisions they do the way they do? Why are people the way they are? Is it just a fear of what people think of you? I don't know... but sometimes it gets too rediculous...... and wierd.


God bless,
Laurel

THE SECERET

The Secret is...
I don't know left from right,
Because I always forget and have to check my hands.
I don't like animals,
Because I am afraid they will bite me.
You think I have it all together,
But I don't.
I only smile,
because on the inside I am crying.
I think my writing is ugly,
because thats what everyone always told me.
I hate school,
because I don't understand the system.
I try to look at the clock every day at 11:11,
because I want someone to be thinking of me.
I hate math,
because in my mind 1+1 never = 2.
I look skinny,
but I really think that I am fat.
I keep my hands to myself,
because I don't want anyone to hold them.
I like music,
but I can't play any instruments.
I think I am punk rock,
but I don't want you to think that.
The seceret is....
All of this is a cover up,
because what I really want to say is
that I like you,
and that I've been to scared to tell you.
The day you ask me to date you,
please know that the answer will allways be
Yes.




May your love never be a seceret,
Laurel

procrastonating... again....

ok, so I'm sitting here rocking out to Roch Voisene. pretty much teh best... next to teddy. yeah, so I'm at the hurch, hosting. math? is for chumps! English? don't even say that word! .... inless you are talking about all of the HOT english boys that I'll be meeting in england.... cuz I mailed my application today... so it will be about April 13th when I hear back from them. I'm starting to wonder if I maybe sent in my application a bit late. I hope not! I am excited beyond words! I wish you could feel what I am feeling... anticipating the reply from the school. But if I am applied... that means I will become a working woman. I probably need to get a job anyways. But not till I go to abby. which... by the way, is exactly two weeks away! stoked beyond anything to see Jeremy! I wish I could tell you how excited I am for that too! Life has been really good lately! .... and I say that not including school... which... you should know, I have given up on. pretty much I never do homework at all anymore. only when I REALLY need to. like tonihgt. I REALLY need to study for english. or I WILL die. I will. I promise. I cannot fail english... its the only subject I am good at in school. ok. the only one that I enjoy.... except for this semester. (Roch Voissine is my hero- ps)

I'm off to study. wish me luck. I'll be back, I promise!

Laurel

A Million Years

ok, so my new love is Teddy Geiger. Not only is he heart-stoppingly attractive, but he plays EVERY instrument needed for his songs, sings, and writes his songs. I'm in love. if you have a moment to spare, lend your ears to the intense musical talent of Teddy Geiger. because I am in love.

In other news, I rocked my English presentation that I totally improved... yeah...a whopping 80% on something that I did no prep for! haha.... YES!

My application for CH is taking a really long time.... and its not that they are hard questions... I just don't know how to answer them without giving the sunday school answers that they are looking/ not looking for. I have two questions left, so I think I should finish it up today, and hopefully mail it today too.

Pretty much life is good right now, cuz I'm listeninng to Teddy... so how could anything go wrong? haha! its love I tell you! LOVE!

With all of this snow around... I feel the need to make a snow angel, or go tobagganing, or build a snow fort... so perhaps thats what I'll do tonight after.... homework.

I have an english test tommorow... ususally this would be easy, but its Chaucer, and I suck alot at chaucer... because its basically memorization, and... well.. I don't memorize things.

ah... well... I guess I shoul go and do something with my life.

keep fit and have fun,
Laurel