Change of Blog

Hey Everyone!

I'm down to one week left, and that means its time to switch the blogs!!

This next year I will be in England, and documenting that experience for all of you in blog-land at:
www.heretotherewithlaurel.blogspot.com

I may post here a few times next year, but mostly check in with the other one! thanks guys!

Laurel

Learning

I just realized that I can be so judgemental. but that is not what this blog is about, but I am.
You see, I look around at people and things that they do, and I tell myself 'I will NEVER do that', especially when it comes to being someone's 'girlfriend'. Now don't get this wrong. I am NOT telling you that I am dating someone, because that would be just plain silly 10 days before I leave, right?
These last few weeks, I have realized how easy it is to become all of those things that I have told myself I will never become. Things become alot more difficult when you are having to be yourself, as well as be with someone else. even with Ashley, its hard to be everything I tell myself that I am and that I should be.
This summer, I'm not gonna lie here, sucked alot when it came to my spiritual life. It was like... I was completely removed from the presance of God. I know, God is everywhere, but... its hard to describe what it was like. I tried, I really did, but it was too far to reach. But in the meantime, I learned alot about who I am as my own person, WITHOUT God to guide me and without the chruch telling me what I should be thinking, I learned what it is like to think the way the world wants you to think, not the way the bible tells us. Brainwashing? no, because you can't pick and choose things from the Bible, either you believe all of it, or none of it, you can't be lukewarm. So this summer, I learned what it is like to believe none of it. But the other day, ever so slightly, God was like 'Now, Laurel, this year, I am going to teach you what it is like to be a person in ME, to believe ALL of my word, and become holy because I am holy.' And all of a sudden... my summer seemed like it had a purpose. Like it was ok to NOT be blessed obscene amounts, to NOT be in constant communication with God ALL summer, sure, it sounds like blasphemy. But I am SO excited to learn what God has to teach me about myself as a daughtor of the King of Kings, and he has already started, and its like I have the fire of a new Christian, I'm excited to SHOW people what its like to be a christian.
I dunno, Guys, this might be really confusing... but I have been learning alot about myself, and about God, and I hope you can get it. Or at least understand a bit of where I'm comming from.
God is Good
All the Time,
Laurel

Peter Pan

Ok, so I have just one question about the ending of Peter Pan....
Why does Wendy have to grow up?
See, she meets peter pan, he takes her to Neverland, and they have so much fun. Then she leaves Neverland, and Peter, and grows up. why? I dont' know. because as soon as Wendy leaves Neverland, Peter isn't in love with her anymore. thats what I dont' like. Why can't peter gow up too?

No... better question... why do I have to grow up? Why can't I be a kid for even just one more year? I cried about leaving for the first time ever last night. Today is two weeks till I leave. am I ready? heck no.


I'm going to leave you with the lyrics of Brightly Wound by Eisley.

Laurel


It's happening all the time
When I open my eyes
I'm still taken by surpriseI hold sunlight and swallow fireflies
And it makes me want to cry

I love you
I shall never grow up
Make believe is much too fun
Can we go far away to the humming meadow

We were walking there
And I had tangles in my hair
But you make me feel so pretty
You have shining eyes
Yes like those forest lights
And it makes me want to cry

I am just wishing you were there
So we could walk down to the stream
And we would throw all our leaves in
Seeing our dragon when we look
I love youI shall never grow up
Make believe is much too fun
Can we go far away to the humming meadow

I shall never grow up
Make believe is much too fun
Can we go far away to the humming meadow
This place is so lovelyIt kind of makes me very happy
Let's go far away to the humming meadow
To the humming meadow
To the humming meadow

15 days left...

Its happening. I'm starting to get overwhelmed. and sick.
I have like 5 emails to return, but I dont' know what to say to anybody. I cleaned my room yesterday, but today you cant' even tell. I have to figure out what I have so that I can figure out what I need to buy. And people are starting to say their goodbyes.... and I don't want them too. Why does leaving have to be so hard? as hard as it is to be the one left behind, I thinkit might be even a little bit harder to be the one leaving, especially when you are doing it alone.
Perhaps this is what they call cold feet? I duno.... I'm still going though... its just hard.
Its been raining the past two days, and I've spent them both trying to convince myself that I love the rain... but I'm still not sure of that.

I did figure something out though! I know what I like! I like stories. I like to hear stories. to have stories told to me. I like to tell stories, and create stories. I like to live stories. I like to watch stories. I just like stories. What can I do with that? who knows... but at least I know what I like.

Anyways... mom put on the furnace and now I'm boiling to death and am becoming closterphobic in my own house... so I'm going to do something about one of those things.... maybe both.

Laurel

Hurray for Quizzes!

I don't feel like actually blogging. sorry. I haven't been in the mood lately. But today I'll do this quiz that I have stolen from steph!

30 unknown facts/secrets about yourself.
1. What does your MySpace headline mean?
Um... 'There is six months of my life that I just don't remember...' literally a ramdom quote heard on AM raidio, before the static cut in. SO FUNNY!
2. Elaborate on your default photo.
Steph took it of me at the Zoo... it looks like it should be a pepsi add.
3. What's your middle name[s]?
Janet. Its the same as my mom's middle name. But you answer me this... why do some people hate telling others their middle name? I mean thats a part of your identity, youshould be PROUD of it! ... anyways... thats the rant section of this quiz.
4. What are you doing this weekend?
well.. the weekend is currently on the downhill part, so I have church left and a birthday party.
5. What are you wearing right now?:
Jeans and a T-shirt. is ANYONE surprised? no. I didn't think so.
6. What is your current problem?
I don't have a problem. Well.. except that my mom has a migrane headache, and tonight they are commissioning me to go to school in England at church, and I really want my mom to be there for it, but I don't know if she can, and I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! haha.
7. What do you love most about yourself?
um.... everything? I dont know! Maybe my sense of humor.
8. What makes you most happy?
Feeling loved.
9. Are you musically inclined?
haha. no. but I can SING REALLY good. I'll show you sometime.
10. If you could go back in time, and change something, what would it be?
I would go to the musical tryouts in grade 8 for the grade 9 musical... and actually be involved in high school.
11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day:
I hate animals. don't even go there.
12. Ever have a near-death experience?
um.. yeah... the swirling vortex of terror. never been so scared in my life. Ask me about it sometime.
13. Name an obvious quality you have?
Short?
14. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap
15. Who did you cut and paste this from?:
The lovely and talented Stephanie Anderson.
16. Name someone with the same b-day as you:
Allie Dobra- she was in my drivers ED class and my Math 10 class. Whoo hoo!
17. Have you ever destroyed someone's property?
NEVER! why would you think that I would ever steal anyone's gnomes? what would put that idea in your head? and throw them off the train bridge? WHAT? no! me? never!
18. Have you ever been in a fight?
not a fist fight, but MANY verbal fights.
19. Have you ever sang in front of a big audience?
lets say no, and leave it at that, because as I have said I am a VERY good singer.
20. What's the first thing you notice about the OPPOSITE sex?
Three things- Hands, eyes, and smile.
21. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
um... coffee? I don't usually go to starbucks, its too expensive!
22. Do you have a crush on anybody from your Top 4/8/12/16/20?
um... yes.
23. Ever had a drunken night in Mexico?
oh my gosh! All of the time! hoenstly, you should do it sometime! BEST place to get drunk- MEXICO! .... um... no.
24. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
yes. Mimi from the drew cary show.
ok, so maybe not.
25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
uh... DUH! disney = life. MY FAVORITE!
26. Did you have braces?
nope.
27. Are you comfortable with your height?
yes.
28. What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you?
um.... well.. nothing.
29. Do you speak any other languages?
yes. I am fluent in 5 different languages all varying varietys of ENGLISH
30. What's your favorite smell?
Rain, and cigar smoke

ok.. thats enough now.

Let go?

Halleluja, Halleluja, Whatever's in front of me help me to say Halleluja. Halleluja, Halleluja, Whatever's in front of me I choose to say Halleluja.
-Bethany Dillon


This last week has made leaving so much harder. I seem to be doing things all wrong, and completely backwards. Instead of starting to say goodbye, I am geting closer and closer to some of my friends. I can't count that as loss, but it will make leaving so incredibly much harder.

Its kinda like in a walk to remember, at the end. when he knows that she is dying, but still asks her to marry him. Would you do that? if you loved somebody? or being the girl, would you say no, becasue you would know much that it would make things harder for the boy? Or does it just not matter, because you love each other and the days spent together should be good enough?

25 days. the countdown is on. and the days keep getting smaller and smaller. there seems to be so much to do, and less and less time. I'm just trying to look at these next 24 days and sing 'Halleluja' and it is so much harder than it should be. But I just know that England is where God needs me to be this year.

It makes me think of David, and how he never disobeyed God. no matter how hard it was. no matter what his feelings were. Perhaps that is how he became a man after God's own heart. Is that the path I need to take to become the woman after God's own heart? I have been so far from God this summer, and I don't know how to draw close again. perhaps the first step is to let go of everything, and obey? any reasonable person would say so.
So how do I take the first step? how do I begin to let go?

Cause your words hit like a train and I can't ignore it
This moment could be our last
You fall in love and I'm running after
You move way too fast
But don't slow down
-Copeland



Laurel

The Story

Let me tell you a story.
Once upon a spring there was a girl. This was no ordinary girl, as she was exstatic that summer was returning! She was convinced that this year summer would be the best summer EVER! One bright sunny spring day she even had a 'play day' in lou of the upcomming season! and what fun those friends of hers had, this made her all the more excited for summer to come!
But summer came. And she was oh so dissapointed. She worked EVERY day, and came home to her books and televison. she only went out a total of 3 times that summer. had her friends diserted her? well.. yes. They were at camp, or on holidays with their familys. All attaining wonderful tans, and having loads of glorious fun, all the while, she was remaining her pasty shade of white, and being bored to tears, quite literally. This was the worst summer of her life.
One day, this girl woke up and realized that summer was quickly comming to an end. this saddend her greatly, as she realized that she had had no fun, but also excited her, as her friends were returning! A few days passed. Was the girl having fun?
oh no, she wasn't. in fact, her summer had only gotten worse. Because the only thing worse than being the only one home all summer, was having everyone home, and nobody phoning her, or wanting to play with her.
but wait! the girl had an idea! she was to throw a wonderful party! In fact, this had been the only thing she had been excited about ALL summer... an 80's Dance party!
Alas! again the girl was dissapointed! As she devotedly put together the decorations, lined up the playlist, and organised the menu, the girl realized that this too would be a flop, a total disappointment, and that this would be the perfect ending to the worst summer ever... a terrible party.
You see... this girl can see through excuses, and lies, she does not believe all that she hears, and is growing tired of being one that gives so much of herself in order to aid all of her friends.
Perhaps she should call off the party?