Lonely

In absolutely every way its my fault. there is absolutely no way around it. If I didn't go into outdoor school everything would be the same. Erin, Jill and I would still be friends. we would talk every day still. and it wouldn't be awkward. and we wouldnt' have to promise to keep in touch, because it would just happen. And then when I wasn't in outdoor school I didn't keep in touch. yep. that one's my fault too. good. See.. the absolute worst thing about all of this s**t is that it makes me regret being in ODS. thats all this is, is a HUGE pile of SHIT. and it ALL got dumped on me in september. and honestly, its what makes comming back to regular school that much worse. and NO I'm not over ODS, and I won't be for a while. and frick, now I'm all worked up, because this.... social shit makes my life hell. I could get by without talking to ANYONE all fricking day. and be FINE with it. but NO. please, I beg you, butt your nosy ass into my life. Frick. honestly. all I want... is it to be back to normal. back to grade 10. EVERYTHING was better in grade 10.
Frick. sometiems it'd be nice not to feel so lonely. I never thought that I'd be so lonely that I'd have to blog every night to feel like some one cares, or to be sitting in front of the computer crying at 11:00 at night. I can count my friends on one hand. and I have lost so many friends this year, that it makes everything worse.
I don't know. I'm not gonna waste more of your time wollowing in self pity... again. Just know that I am a very lonely girl, and I like to talk on the phone.

sleep tight,
may your convorsations tommorow be a sourse of joy,
Laurel