Lonely

Lately I've felt so lost. In everything in life. At school, with my friends, and with God. Its like I am so out of place no matter where I am, sometimes even at home. I could sit and watch TV or movies for hours, and I do, or read. Just somehow get lost in the lives and stories of others, to forget who I am for a while. Sometimes I get lost in the music, sometimes in my thoughts, but it all comes back to what I don't want.... my life right now, and everything that is real. All the small things aren't so small right now. Everything is important. Everything is surreal. Everything is fake.
I get lost in everything around me, and forget why I am here. I loose who I am in a moment, and put on masks of who I want to be in that moment. I'm so tired of pretending things. So tired of beating around the bush in everything... not really saying what I really want to say . But I sit here continually typing, but not telling you what inside I am screaming. Its so dumb, the lies we tell ourselves. The lies Satan tells us. I've recognised a few in my life this week, and it sucks, working agaist it. I've been humbled a few times too this week. This week has been hard. and so long. I'm ready to curl up and watch a movie by myself tonight.

I want to fly away tonight,
Laurel