Really Random

Firstly, I would like to apologize to anyone who read my last blog... it was only posted for a few hours, but I am aware of a few people that read it. That was how I was feeling, and I needed someone to know. All I am apologizing for is the profanity used. When I am frustrated, that is how I think, and how I pray. I am sorry that you had to get a glimpse of what my mind is like.
Its funny. After I posed yesterday, I was reminded of a convorsation I had with someone, about being a 'good christian kid' but wanting that freedom of a 'bad kid' to do 'bad things'. I felt like I had done something 'bad'. .....enough about that.
I'm off to my grandma's house for the weekend, and will be stuck in a technology wastland. OH! I just thought of something.... I can take movies.. cuz she has a DVD player! SWEET!
I've descovered my long lost love for electropop. its wierd, I know, but I like the wierdness of it all. the odd comogulation of sounds that create what we call music. its beautiful.
I'm taking a camera to maidstone this weekend... so maybe I'll descover my lost talent of photography. wish me luck.

I watched this movie last night. I'm not sure what I think of it yet. there was ALOT of nudity, (I closed my eyes/ fast forwarded, don't worry) which is the ONLY downside. The story line, and the metaphores that the director used was profound. it was one of the BEST movies I've seen in a LONG time. it was real. it was not some fantasy. it showed people with real thoughts and real lives. I mean, sure, to make it interesting, they had these REALLY WONKY quirks about them. They loved filmnography, and that was their lives, they descussed it, reinacted it, and took the concepts from films and applied it to life, they hated the facists, but in the end, they became facists themselves. they hated wierd people, but in the end they were the weird people. they didn't like outsiders, but in the end, they were the outsiders. It was so cool. I love movies that are REAL. that are artsy. I like artsy things. I like to look at art. I like to lookat photography. I like to watch films.

So... I'm the only one packed and ready to go... and mom put a time restraint on ME. what is that? I can pack in like 10 minutes. and shower and be ready in 30. And she hates the fact that I am sitting on the computer typing.... she thinks I should be doing somthing useful. the only ohter thing I could be doing is packing the van... but mom will redo it anyways... so there is no point.

I read a friends blog today. He listed his dream girl's qualities. ITs really interesting to see what people look for in the opposite sex. One thing I really noticed (not only in him, but myself, and others) is that what you really want is someone who cares about YOU. its not so much whats inside of the other person, what makes them them, but how they will treat you, if they will accept everythign about you. He said that he probably this girl is just a dream girl. But I think that if what your looking for is complete acceptance, the person you are supposed to marry (your soul mate as some call it) will give you everything you need. they will love everything about you. thats what love is about, isnt' it? its funny tho... we say we love somany people, that we love everyone... but still we judge people constantly. Ususally upon apearance. I am so bad for that. I will see how someone dresses and make immediate assumptions about them.
Bah. this is getting long, and all I'm doing is rambling, and not really saying anything at all... pretty much just wasting time.
Have I ever told you that its my dream to write a book? well, it is.
anyways.... I will talk to you later.... aka on sunday.
Laurel