I'm feeling so tired and so lonely. I havent' slept all week. Why? pffffft, how would I know? Lonely.... why? Because I continue to walk down the hallway every day and have meaningless convorsations and telling people that I'm good when really I'm not. ok, so maybe its like the used's song 'I'll be just fine pretending I'm not' but hey... inside... I'm not. k? I know... I've spent the entirety of this year complaning about my situation, when in other places in the world people are dealing with much worse things than being lonely. But this is me, and this is real.
Its like all those times we said we'd talk.... and then didn't. or go for coffee... and didn't. or go for a walk... and didn't. I've been counting, keeping track. And thats why I'm lonely. Not because I don't have friends like I like to claim, but because my 'friends' aren't really there for me. they don't call me, I call them. They dont' follow through with their plans, and their promises are so empty. You have no idea how much it hurts to be at someone's house all night, and never talk to them. or to be waiting all night for a phone call that never comes. I am SO tired of being dissapointed, being let down, and left alone.
Do you remember that girl? that one that used to stay out till 3 am, talking and laughing? the one that would beg her parents to go out on a school night? the one that planned youth events? the one that didn't put on a face, because she was ACTUALLY happy? Yeah... I think I remember her. I think her name was Laurel. I wonder where she went?

I don't want your pity. Please don't post some comment saying we can go out some time. Because I know that won't happen. Please don't post and say you're sorry, because if you are really sorry, you will phone. And don't phone out of obligation, because you feel sorry for cute little Laurel. Phone becuase you want to. You KNOW I want more than anything to take the time out of my day to get to know you. to talk to you. to drink coffee and go for walks with you. More than anythign thats what I want. I have no schedule. I have nothing taking up my day. all I need is a time and a place. And someone there to meet me.

Its like Peter Pan flew out my window for the last time,
Laurel