Cry Myself to Sleep

Today has been VERY frustrating. I don't even know where to start. but boy do I hate mondays. With tuesday math tests. and 5th period world religion tests. and nagging mothers, and friends that need more than I can give. And a forign trip bouncing at the back of my mind the entire time.
Tommorow is my meeting with my parents financial.... person.
and mom....just nagged me about the summer. I know she doesn't mean to nag, its just... how she says it. you know that she wants you to know everything RIGHT NOW. and I dont' know anything. I am really overwhelmed, not only wiht the school work, but everything that is the future. I mean, sure, its great that I have next year figured out, but honestly sometimes I think It'd be easier not to. to be ok with not knowing like Iwas before. to have no pressure. now its coming at me from all sides. From my mom, from my friends, from my brothers, from my neighbors, from aquantances, from the financial angle, from the social angle, from the emotional angle. From freeking EVERYWHERE because 'going to england... thats a big deal, hey?' darn right it is!
I dunno. my stress level is much increased.... so far to the point of... numbness... again. too much of this year has been spent in utter numbness. too many extreame emotions. sometimes I wonder what I'm doing. how can I take a plane by myself to england like I know what I'm doing? too often I come across like I know what I'm doing... the truth is I'm really good at pretending.
The REAL truth is... I'm really tired, and I could cry myself to sleep at this point. and what I want more than anything is to climb into the arms of someone and fall asleep there and not worry about what time I wake up or if I have all of my assignments done.... but thats not gonna happen anytime soon, as we all know, so I'm gonna push in and do some english... because I've already comitted suicide by attempting and completing a mere two math assignments out of 10. I guess thats better than none, right?

sweet dreams,
may tommorow be better than today,
Laurel