Rainy Day Thoughts

The reality of going to England really hit me today. Mom and I went shopping, and bought some luggage for me to take. And we looked at 'smart' cloths for me to wear on sundays in England. Its really scary for me to think that after the next three months I'll be one of those 'students' that I've looked up to for the last six years of my life. I'll be one of those broke students that cant' afford to buy milk (I don't even drink it, but you catch my drift). Mom keeps on telling me that there is enough money for me to get to england in my education fund, but I mean, I'm already spending more than half of it on one year, never mind the spending money I'll need. This looking for a job thing is really not fun. Especially when I feel God's leading me to work at camp this summer where I'll make a max of $1400, with support letters. See, I also feel that God wants me to go out to BC again before I get to england. ....but maybe thats just me missing Jeremy. I dunno. cuz then I was thinking I could go to camp in BC (at stillwood) but then I'm away from home for 11 months, and thats way too much for me. 9 months is alot already.
..... I don't want a job. I want to go to camp, and hang out with a bunch of girls all summer, and be the cool couselor. And then I wanna come home from camp and spend a moth perfecting my skateboarding abilities waiting to fly to england.
as for the smart cloths.... I NEVER dress classy, so this whole 'smart' thing, is really hard. so my plan is to do ALOT of thrift shop hopping to find some good 'dress clothes' that are more of my style. I'm stoked to wear my new plaid skirt in england. its gonna be perfect!
I dunno. this is really scary for me now. its alot of money. and a big deal. I dont' really feel ready to be an adult, and be responsible. and to.... be mature. I still wanna be a kid. I know it sounds really stupid, but I'm really scared to be a grown up. to live on my own. to have a job and support myself. to go grocery shopping by myself. that all scares me SO so much. to make my own doctor's appointment, and buy my own stationary supplies. to clean the house. to cook for myself. its all a bit scary for me.
I dunno. its all becoming very real for me.

talk to you soon
may you enjoy todays rain, and listen to the perfect music to go with it.
Laurel