Tommorow...?

Yesterday Mom and I decided to run away from everything thats going on here at home, and spend the night at my Grandma's. Boy, was that ever great! I got to pour over Buttons all day, and read, and pretty much do nothing of any signifigance for an entire day, and not worry about anything! Last night we took out my Grandpa's slides, and his projector/screen, and checked out his pictures. This inclueded 6 sets of slides from their trip to England.
Do I EVER want to go there. More than anything. So I just finished looking at (again) Capernwray Hall in England. Its in a CASTLE! is that not amazing?! But it scares me SO much. I'd have to take a plane to London, get a cab to the train station, Take a train to some obscure english town, and then get a cab/ local train to the school. BY MYSELF! AH!
I am so scared of what lies ahead of me after school. But more than anything I NEED to get out of Saskatoon. I NEED To experience more. But that seems to be what I am so scared of... Not having my mom there for EVERYTHING. I don't know. I really think that things will seem easier after I visit Jeremy, cuz that will be the first thing I really do on my own... It kinda feels like that will be the day I become a woman... the day I go through the security gates by myself. See... and thats the thing about this next year, whatever it is that I do, I want to do it by myself... I don't want anyone with me that I know. I want to go and start new, and be who I am. Funny how it is, cuz it would make me feel a ton better if someone was going with me. haha. Maybe when Jeremy goes to Europe, he'll fly to england with me. HA! yeah right!
haha, I've got a new plan for my love life.... You see, I'm going to go to England, and fall in love with a nice english boy, who parts his hair at the side, wears nice white shirts, suspenders and slacks. and has a HOT accent! haha! you like the plan? and he'll take me for walks down the streets of.... some little town, and we'll visit the castles, and hold hands. haha! I think it sounds like a GREAT idea.... what about you? so realistic, hey? BUT its SO gonna happen! yay!
Anyways, I have a mission, and I will accomplish it! have a good evening!

may you always remember to put love in the place of Fear,
Laurel