but never to hide.

hm. my thoughts tonight? scrambled.
What if I've been living as a shell. I do things outwardly, but on the inside I'm a fake. Sitting in class today, a song kept running over in my mind, the only words "I'm a fake, I'm a fake, I'm a fake". No. thats not me. I teach sunday school. I'm a camp councelor. I work with 24-7 prayer. not me. I hate fake people. how can I be one? I'M NOT A FAKE! how do I know? does everyone else look this way on the inside? I find it hard to believe that people aren't. I've never been different on the inside. can I change that? am I really a fake? I honestly don't know.
Isn't everyone a fake? we all strive to fit in, when we were made special, no one is exactly the same. maybe in that sense, I will never be a fake. nor will you. inless we all strive to be the same person. That becomes fake. what is fake? what is real? how will i know what I am unless these terms become more defined? maybe I have to come up with my own definitions. maybe its a process. maybe this realization brings the next step with god. maybe this is good. maybe tonight is a stepping stone. Maybe God IS good.
somtimes thats hard. 'SAY IT!' God is good. at times it feels hollow. like telling people I'm good when I'm not. God is good all the time, even when I'm not. it doesn't have to be a hollow greeting 'god is good' 'all the time'. maybe its a way of living. GOD IS GOOD! a proclemation with one life. A statement of being a creation of God himself.
a forign thought comes to mind. "They wear clothes like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide." Wow. that is so profound. This is talking about OUR GENREATION. often refered to as the 'chosen generation'. what a label. what a thought. our generation is so apearance focused. what if we could wear cloths to communicate--- to tell people about jesus. to celebrate-- to feel good about ourselves, but in a totally humble way. BUT NEVER TO HIDE. never to hide.
I feel like i should leave it at that. but, I also need to tell you--> god is moving in my life. GOD IS GOOD. I get frustrated, yeah, but don't get me wrong, I just need to verbalize, and rant. thats all this really is, is a place to rant, a venting machine. But also a form of self descovory. Don't think that I am depressed or something... or going through a tough time... I just get frusrated...a lot.


BUT NEVER TO HIDE.

Laurel